1 Jul 2014

embrace winter

I wake up feeling sad
third day in a row,
for no reason in particular
(though very likely hormones)
and also seasonal -
each year as winter rolls round
I fight with the dark mornings and the short afternoons
I fight with myself to do and be more
than is needed. than I am.
I find myself disappointed a lot of time.

this morning I cleared out some bags,
I tidied up the bottom kitchen shelf
and gathered up at least twelve
separate pieces of paper
with earnest lists and to-dos,
sketches and dreams scrawled across them -
I love to plan you see
but sometimes it's too much
it's too often,
or it's not enough -
or it's forgotten...

my plans for July are not
concretely laid - I am trying
instead to commit myself
to a month of wintering...
a re-learning the soulful
and nourishing acts of
restfulness,
kindness,
conservation,
balance,
mindfulness.

wherein I retreat from things that get me down

like checking my emails a dozen times
facebook-ing, getting to bed too late,
eating quickly, loosing my temper,
worrying over things I can't change,
planning too many tasks for the day -

and reinstate things I love (and miss),

like reading words on paper,
stretching on my hands and feet,
writing letters to friends,
digging in the soil,
pray,
eating lunch in the sun,
imaging scenes in blue pen...

a new month -
and always a gift to me
to begin again,

to accept my slow and wintering self
stop trying to "keep it all together"
(which I can never do anyway)
and be satisfied with a gentle hold
on some things,
and a heart rooted in loving-grace. 

5 comments:

  1. Ah the struggles to find balance. It is my common theme in life too. And also the struggle not to always "do" but to "be". Be as gentle as you can with yourself during the winter months. Spring comes around the corner. Hugs. xx

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  2. Oh, that ebb and flow....I can completely relate, in a "wintery" funk myself right now. Sending much love to you, dearest e. xoxo

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  3. Thank you. Your thoughts mirror mine so many times, although I am many years your senior. I too need to let go and just live, enjoying the moments, come what may. A wonderful man once said this: "Cultivate an attitude of happiness. Cultivate a spirit of optimism. Walk with faith, rejoicing in the beauties of nature, in the goodness of those you love, in the testimony which you carry in your heart concerning things divine." Of course there will be clouds and storms and winter, but there is beauty in them as well. For now, I am enjoying the birds at my feeders, and early morning dew on my toes.

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  4. you need to be kind to yourself and embrace what is. Let the calm and the quiet of winter nourish you...it's a time to slow down. We're always rushing around in this big world...sometimes so much that we forget it's okay to let things slide. I just read a quote on another favorite blog I read...." If you are breathing, there's actually more right with you than wrong with you." Sometimes we just need to breathe.

    I come back here often to reread your words. You have such a special spirit. xo

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  5. I hope the best for you with those intentions you've written down. And damn it's definitely understandable that hormones and Winter are not a good combination, but you can rise above it no doubt. :)

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