30 May 2014

take tenderness

For over a week I've been thrown with a virus that started as a sore throat and moved into a running nose, headache, violent cough, on off fevers/chills, all over muscle ache, and painfully now a few bruised ribs. When I am sick I am reminded painfully of my limitations. I fight with myself - I overextend - I struggle to really rest. I wonder if it's even possible with a bright-eyed toddler in toe. I feel ashamed of my half-hearted parenting. Finally at breaking point I decide to let go of trying to fight myself better and take tenderness. I am truly overwhelmed with the unrehearsed acts of tender love my kin show to me...

the two year old who wakes from his nap still tired and curls up with me on the lounge to sleep another hour... the same boy who rests his hand on my back after a coughing spell and asks "you alright mama?" and plants a kiss on my cheek...

the lover who fills cups of water and lays a cool hand on my feverish face, who releases me from night settling duties so I can sleep...

the friend who rises early to help me set up a market stall and the others who drop by later in the day to show solidarity...

the mum who night after night helps with dinnertime and baths and book reading and song-singing and bed-tucking...

the mother-in-law who brings over homemade pumpkin pie and spends a day helping watch over Reu so we can attend a family member's funeral...

the parents who take me out for a beautiful slow lunch by the waterside...

the friend who leaves sweet messages...

the sister who curls up in bed with me to watch an eerie crime mystery...

and countless others helping me heal. and so my recovery looks a bit like this: less expectations, more gentleness, sitting in the sunshine, going for slow walks to the ducks, eating what soothes, napping when he does, going to bed early, sips of pungent herbal tonic, stretching slowly on a warm rolled up towel, ginger, honey, warm cups of tea, boiling marrow broth, soaking in hot epsom salt baths, reading to fall asleep...

wishing you and yours a tender and healthful weekend x

5 comments:

  1. Oh I hope you're feeling better soon Emily. Sending you some healing thoughts and hugs x

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  2. oh my, i was struck down by the same one! horrible, eh? Sending you healing and peace

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  3. I think you handle these situations with such grace and honesty. Don't be so hard on yourself, my friend.

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  4. Hope you get well real soon. xx

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